How to prevent a home renovation from ruining your relationship

You fell on the couch with your partner indulging in someone else HGTV Vortex when you receive a sudden and urgent blast of inspiration Renovation or reconfiguration your home. Cursed cost! You think. “we Should You have an open kitchen design! “

Even when home improvement programs bring up small setbacks or disappointments along the way (ugh, there may not be enough room for a farmhouse sink after all), it still often seems like a fairly smooth process for a couple. And of course, it’s even easier when you have the money to spare for home improvements and seasoned professionals like Chip and Joanna Gaines Basically carrying out the project for you. What you don’t usually see on camera are couples who have a heated argument over budget-busting wardrobes and then go out silently in separate rooms for the rest of the evening.

“Keep in mind that you don’t see everything that’s going on, and the shows are organized to make both Reno and the hosts look good,” Tina Tessina, psychotherapist, author ofHow to be happy partners: working togetherTell HuffPost. “The hosts on these shows, like ‘Fixer Upper’ or ‘The Property Brothers,’ or the mother-daughter cast of ‘Good Bones,’ are really experts at doing this. They know how to manage a crew, choose styling, choose finishes, and work together. A new couple do the process. The First Regeneration knows very little of this.”

In real life, renewal can definitely bring some tension in a relationship (think HGTV stars and exes Tarek and Christina El Moussa bickering in front of the camera) and bringing basic issues to the surface — in fact, a Houzz survey found it 12 percent of couples considered divorce during the rebuilding process. We asked marriage therapists for the advice you need to hear so you don’t become part of that statistic.

The conversations you need before you start

Before embarking on a home reno, you should ensure that you and your partner are on the same page in terms of your expectations and goals for the project. Will you agree to every last detail? Mostly not. But you should see the bigger things head on, like setting a realistic budget and knowing how you want to use the newly renovated space. If you have these conversations before tensions escalate, you’ll be able to prevent some (but not all!) major explosions down the road.

“You need to discuss the budget, what the individual wants as a result of the renewal, your different style preferences and how you would deal with disruption to the renewal process,” Tesina said. You should be able to talk about and resolve your differences. If you can’t do that about everyday things, you won’t be able to do that about the particular stressful situation of regeneration.”

psychologist Samantha Rodman Emphasize the importance of holding these candid discussions together early on. The longer you wait, the worse your headache gets.

“If one partner expects to impress others and enjoy a great deal of entertainment in an expensive renovated space, the other partner needs to either join in or state their objections clearly before the process begins,” she said. “Once the project kicks in, it causes more struggle to hit the brakes when the less enthusiastic partner starts voicing objections and vetoing things.”

How renewal might affect your relationship

Being prepared for some of the more stressful or frustrating aspects of remodeling can help you overcome these relationship challenges. And while it’s not entirely bad – hey, at the end of this thing, you’ll be at least one step closer to your dream home! – You are an act Need to know what you get yourself.

Disagreements over finances are common, especially when unexpected costs start to surface. Another major source of stress is the clutter in your home if you decide to live there while renovations are in progress. There’s noise, dust, and ugly to the eye from exposed fabrics and wires, not to mention the inconvenience of having parts of the house off-limits for a while. And then, of course, delays are inevitable To be expected when it comes to construction.

“Your contractor may be working on several jobs simultaneously, and if inspections and permits are required, this could lead to delays as well,” Tesina said. “Meals can get tricky, especially if the kitchen is the location of the Reno.”

And for couples who haven’t broken things down properly beforehand, the reconfiguration can highlight some deep-rooted issues.

“If one partner wants a broad-based Renault and the other doesn’t, this can highlight differences in values ​​and goals, which can cause the couple to reconsider their basic level of compatibility,” Rodman said.

But it’s not all bleak: “A home renovation can be a positive as a couple works toward the goal of making their home more of a haven for both of them. If they have similar goals, they’ll love their new space and feel more accomplished in it,” Rodman added.

Furthermore, if you make it through this process relatively unscathed, you get the bonus of knowing that you can get through other stressful events without jumping into each other’s throat.

“if They work well together, they can solve problems as soon as they arise without a fight, Rhino may strengthen your relationship, a successful renewal will make you feel successful as a partnership, which really strengthens the relationship,Tessina said.

Tips to not lose your mind

To get started, try doing a few small projects around the house before doing a bigger renovation, Tessina suggested.

“See how you work together on things first. Make sure you know how to follow through to the end,” she said. “Nothing is more frustrating than half the renovation.”

It can also be helpful to find another space where you can both relax and recharge a bit when your home is a complete mess.

“Prepare somewhere to retreat to: a relative or friend’s house where you can stay for a few days when things are bad in your house,” Tesina said.

And don’t forget to keep checking in with each other throughout the process to make sure you both agree on the direction, speed, and cost of the renewal, Rodman said.

“If conflicts arise, try to empathize with each other’s views rather than having tunnel vision and being obsessed with the project the way you planned,” she added. Flexibility is key when partners embark on any major project together.

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